Joshua “Taco” Man Jr.
The leader. Met Burrito Boy in college before they joined forces as superheroes. Not especially good at leading. Very good at not dying in explosions.
The sidekick. Possesses the powers of flight, super strength, regenerative healing, and psychokinesis. May have contributed to the downfall of humanity.
12-dimensional being. Exists spatially within the Universe’s time dimension. Up to something. May be plural.
Eugene the Sock Puppet
Arch nemesis of Taco Man and Burrito Boy. Seeks to either control or destroy the Universe, not sure which one. Definitely plural.
Burrito Boy’s sister. Taco Man’s girlfriend. Causes no awkwardness at all, nope.
Burrito Boy’s only weakness. Nullifies his powers when in proximity. Dictator of the world.
Dated Burrito Boy in college. Goes by her superhero name “The Professor” when teaching Combat at the University of Delaware.
Can’t take a pill, won’t leave the fight. Thunder pummels the morning shift security. Under no circumstances to be taken aback by the rigorous meanderings of the proletariat. Center of the Universe.
What is Taco Man and Burrito Boy?
Taco Man and Burrito Boy is a sci-fi superhero action comedy about mysterious higher beings, the destruction of the world, and maybe some important stuff.
Taco Man and Burrito Boy is funny, tragic, and philosophical.
Taco Man and Burrito Boy is, like, if the writers of Lost wrote a superhero story out of chronological order. So, you know, good luck with that.
The Story So Far…
Book 1 — The Adventures of Taco Man
Chapter 1 — Employment
On August 29th, 2003, Taco Man and Burrito Boy were eating breakfast. Both had cereal. Nothing to drink, though. Then the house blew up. Also, Burrito Boy learned to fly. At first, it seemed like it was a good idea to get jobs so they could buy new superhero equipment to replace what was lost in the explosion…
Chapter 2 — Nemesis
Turns out it was better to just go fight whoever blew up the house. So they did! With the help of Anod Liddulguy, our heroes engaged the diabolical Eugene the Sock Puppet in battle, capturing him.
In the distant future, Burrito Boy married Natalie Portman. They had kids. He told them about all of this…
Book 2 — The Origin of Taco Man
Chapter 3 — Unison
Rewind back to 1999. Hanson was still around, Y2K had yet to destroy the world, and on August 28th, Taco Man and Burrito Boy met for the first time at the University of Delaware. They hated each other immediately, beat each other up, and then became totally in guy-love because of Star Wars…
Chapter 4 — Transmogrification
On March 14th, 2002, Burrito Boy was working on homework, even though he was about to turn 21 that night at midnight. Instead of going out to celebrate, his head turned into a burrito. He didn’t want that to happen, but Anod Liddulguy convinced him and Taco Man to become superheroes. It’s… complicated…
Chapter 5 — Enhancements
On May 25th, 2002, Taco Man and Burrito Boy went to Burrito Boy’s house in New Jersey to get attacked by terrorists. They beat them, because Burrito Boy had super powers that he forgot about after the battle because Anod Liddulguy didn’t want him to remember. Then, Eugene the Sock Puppet attacked, but Anod Liddulguy, whom it turned out was numerous, fought him off. People started calling Burrito Boy “The Seven-Millionth,” which was weird. Taco Man fell off of a cliff…
Chapter 6 — Aftermath
But Taco Man was okay. Still, he went to the hospital, which was a good idea, because he did inappropriate things there with Stephanie Boy, Burrito Boy’s sister, which/whom he had wanted to do, anyway. Burrito Boy didn’t like that, but hey…
Chapter 7 — Nullification
There was a contest to win a date with Natalie Portman, which is something that Burrito Boy was really interested in winning. But he didn’t win.
But Taco Man did win, so he let Burrito Boy go on the date instead because he’s a good friend! So Burrito Boy went on a date with Natalie Portman, during which two Eugene the Sock Puppets (there’s three of them, see) tried to blow him up with a bomb. It had to be then because an explosion would only be able to kill Burrito Boy while his powers were nullified by Natalie Portman, who was his only weakness. The bomb didn’t go off, though, and Burrito Boy did poorly on the date…
Chapter 8 — Indoctrination
But it’s okay, because Burrito Boy got together with Sharon “The Professor” Esiason, who was a grad student teaching Combat at the time. But then she moved back to England. But before that, Taco Man and Burrito Boy finished college and then graduated with BS’es in Superhero Sciences on May 31st, 2003.
Meanwhile, the two Eugene the Sock Puppets from before met up with another Eugene the Sock Puppet, whom it looks like was the boss, because they called him The Collected One and did what he told them to do. There was some talk about the older of the non-boss Eugene the Sock Puppets joining some Collective, only it turned out he didn’t deserve to join because it was his fault that the bomb from Chapter 7 didn’t go off (it’s okay, it eventually went off at the beginning of Chapter 1, but still). So, unbeknownst to him, The Collected One decided to let the younger Eugene the Sock Puppet join this Collective without telling the older one. Something about Paul being important came up, too. You should probably try to remember all of this…
Book 3 — The Return of Taco Man
Chapter 9 — Perpetuity
So now it’s April 14th, 2025. The world is a scorched wasteland, Burrito Boy is married to Natalie Portman, and Taco Man is apparently long dead. But Taco Man and Burrito Boy are also fighting with light sabers, so, what the hell…